Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Her Autistic Brothers - N.Y. Times
Tarah Perry wishes her brothers would remember to put on deodorant. Other 16-year-olds, after all, don’t need to be reminded of that by their 14-year-old sister. Other families don’t keep a stick of Degree in the glove compartment to enforce deodorant compliance on the way to school in the morning. Granted, Justin and Jason are different from other brothers — they are autistic twins — and Tarah’s family is therefore different from other families, and generally speaking she is perfectly O.K. with that. It’s all she has ever known. But lately she has been fighting more with her brothers. They irritate her, she says. They stink. She tells them as much, and they squabble about it, as any siblings might — only when you’re 14 and your brothers are disabled and you don’t know whether they’ll ever make it on their own or whether you’ll be responsible for taking care of them, then even the little things take on greater weight. Because what Tarah also wishes is that her brothers will one day manage to hold jobs and find friends and live the kind of life that regular deodorant-wearing people live, or some semblance of it. And in the meantime, it would be nice if they didn’t smell up the car.
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Subsequent research suggested that when one child has a disability, siblings may in fact benefit. After all, they receive what amounts to an intensive training in tolerance and empathy. In various studies, parents in such families have characterized their typically developing kids as more caring and mature than average, while college-age siblings have described growing up with someone with a disability in favorable terms. ...
Tarah Perry wishes her brothers would remember to put on deodorant. Other 16-year-olds, after all, don’t need to be reminded of that by their 14-year-old sister. Other families don’t keep a stick of Degree in the glove compartment to enforce deodorant compliance on the way to school in the morning. Granted, Justin and Jason are different from other brothers — they are autistic twins — and Tarah’s family is therefore different from other families, and generally speaking she is perfectly O.K. with that. It’s all she has ever known. But lately she has been fighting more with her brothers. They irritate her, she says. They stink. She tells them as much, and they squabble about it, as any siblings might — only when you’re 14 and your brothers are disabled and you don’t know whether they’ll ever make it on their own or whether you’ll be responsible for taking care of them, then even the little things take on greater weight. Because what Tarah also wishes is that her brothers will one day manage to hold jobs and find friends and live the kind of life that regular deodorant-wearing people live, or some semblance of it. And in the meantime, it would be nice if they didn’t smell up the car.
...
Subsequent research suggested that when one child has a disability, siblings may in fact benefit. After all, they receive what amounts to an intensive training in tolerance and empathy. In various studies, parents in such families have characterized their typically developing kids as more caring and mature than average, while college-age siblings have described growing up with someone with a disability in favorable terms. ...
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